An acquaintance of mine had what she describes as a spiritual awakening a little over a year ago. A series of events happened that completely changed her life that led to this spiritual awakening. She has been facing lots of challenges lately. They have been showing up in the form of people misunderstanding her intentions to the point of accusing her of lying. She is also experiencing conflict in her life. She asked for feedback and guidance on how she can shine her light more brightly . Her question struck a cord in me. I thought it might be helpful to share my response to her here because the story I shared has been an important lesson for me and a theme for many folks I know too.
I want to tell you a little story about something that happened to me the summer before I graduated from college. I met a man in Glastonbury, England who owned a cool little metaphysical book store called Pandora’s Box. As I was browsing in the store, Jim and I started chatting. Before I knew it I realized a couple of hours had passed. As I was preparing to leave the store, Jim told me that he was going to put my contact info in his “Book of Healers” that he kept in the store. Jim told me that I was a healer. I remember it vividly because it was the first time anyone had acknowledged this about me. He also told me that he had a gift for me. He gave me a pin that said “Your approval is not essential“ and he told me that this was an important lesson for me.
My afternoon with Jim in Glastonbury turned out to be a highlight of my travels that summer. When I came home I remembered the pin and cherished it for many years. I am not sure what happened to that pin. It was passed from girlfriend to girlfriend and eventually I lost track of it. The wisdom remains with me and 20 years later, there are times when I need to remind myself of Jim and his pin.
Many of us, at times, have felt different than others. We may feel like we are more sensitive than those around us. This has shown up for me at many point in my life, beginning within my own family. I often felt like the odd man out and was told repeatedly that I was “too sensitive”. It has shown up in my life as conflict at times too. Sometimes by shining our light we can help others to shine their light too. Sometimes our light makes people uncomfortable and they may unconsciously push us away so that they do not have to look at what makes them uncomfortable. With conflict there is always a learning opportunity.
The more that I have been able to tap into my essence and my life purpose the more I have been able to see the energy in situations like the challenges that my friend was facing. As I learn to see the energy I am more easily able to notice what is mine and what belongs to someone else. Being able to stay neutral with other people’s stuff has helped me to experience less conflict in my life. The more I can be in my essence the more I can see that I am a part of the whole.
And we are all One. Feeling centered and connected are key for living juicy lives and love, gratitude and forgiveness are tools that can help us to feel at one with the world and bring more peace into our lives.
Sending you blessings of love, light and peace. ♥
Gently moving forward,
Kat
KCLAnderson (Karen) says
Oh my goodness…this is such a beautiful post and it resonates with me as I, too, was that odd man out, the sensitive one. And for so very long I longed for approval…and it’s only been in the past five or so years that I’ve been letting go of that need. I need one of those pins! 🙂
kattroyer says
Thank you Karen, I appreciate your approval…:-) LOL. Seriously though, I think this is a big issue for so many of us and for me it is a huge life lesson. I am glad it resonated and thank you for sharing the post on FB. This past year has been pretty focused learning and introspection and i haven’t done much writing. That part of me has been itching lately and you are one of my role models when it comes to writing authentically.
45and304 says
Great post…there are not many people I look to for approval…but there are some…
kattroyer says
Thanks 45! Good to be connected on FB now…:-)
Shannon says
You are a healer without a doubt! Thank you for sharing your experience. You have no idea how much it mirrors my circumstances. Recognizing what is mine and what is someone else’s, wow very powerful!
kattroyer says
Thank you Shannon. Miss you lovely lady. xoxo
Leila says
As a counsellor, I learned very early on that every client was a gift. In their struggles, I always found a part in me that would resonate. By validating and acknowledging their presenting issue, they could begin to heal-I say validating, not colluding-or in other words approving-that was not essential-being understood was. What transformation can happen with authentic communication. Love you xx
kattroyer says
Hi Leila,
In family constellation work we do that by “acknowledging what is”, and that seems to be a great place for healing to begin and shifts to happen in peoples lives. It is something that is helpful in my one on one work with clients too.
I think that is different from the kind of approval that Jim in Glastonbury was talking about. The need to be liked and approved seems to be an innate thing in humans, especially in women, like many of us, who were raised to be “good little girls”.
It is the unwinding from that and being OK in being real, even if being real looks messy in the moment and and being able to risk not being liked or approved by others, especially those we like and look up to.
For me, it has been a process of learning to be OK with me and find my own inner peace and not use look for validation externally first. It has been a process and I can’t say that I am 100 percent all the time, but I can say that I have much more inner peace and less angst than I did in my twenties.
Looking forward to seeing you next Summer! xoxo