Today’s guest post comes from the amazing Irma Kaye Sawyer. IK is a bright star in many lives, including mine. I was thrilled when she said “Yes!” to sharing some thoughts on love here at the GMF blog for Be Love month. Thank you IK for sharing your message of love with us! xoxo, Kat
Let us forget with generosity, those who cannot love us. – Pablo Neruda
First of all, since it’s “Love” month; I absolutely love Neruda and I especially love that quote. It certainly hits home doesn’t it? He doesn’t suggest we blame, criticize, or otherwise emotionally decimate these people, the suggestion is that is we just forget them.
Another key point here is that he didn’t say “will not” love us, he said “cannot,” and there is a difference. The word cannot implies an inability to do something and not a willful refusal. So why can’t certain people love us? That is a deep and complex question and is dependent on individual factors; but generally, a denial of love is something that is going on with them and not us. I am not talking about faking it when you’re not feeling it, but more of an “agape” type of love which is generally compassionate to others, based on the fact that they are also sharing space on the same planet as us. We also don’t have to necessarily like people, especially those who exhibit poor behaviors, but we don’t have to deny a basic kind of human bodhicitta (unconditional positive regard) for them either. It’s clear how far that’s gotten us as human beings and it’s definitely not working.
So why do we forget? To remember the pain of rejection and the subsequent denial of love is one of the most painful human experiences around. For Empathic and/or Highly Sensitive People it can be especially devastating. To keep replaying those particular tapes can definitely be non-loving towards ourselves. They can also keep the trauma and pain very much alive in both our biography and our biology.
I have had people in my life over the years who clearly did not love me, some of them even made a point to verbalize it. I internalized this for years and it caused me plenty of suffering, both physically and emotionally. I went over my words and actions with a fine tooth comb, wondering what I could have done differently. The answer was: nothing. It took me awhile to understand that their withholding had everything to do with them and very little or nothing to do with me.
Since Love is who we are at our core, to be in anger, resentment and judgment for others is to be far away from reality at a spiritual level. Though these states may seem quite real when we’re experiencing them, they are also not who we or anyone else really is. The great spiritual teacher Thich Nhat Nhan wise said, “When another person makes you suffer, it is because they suffer deeply within themselves, and this suffering is spilling over. They do not need punishment. They need help. That is the message they are sending.” Now that is one powerful truth and it’s also easy to forget.
For someone to go out of their way to make a focal point of their non-love for others is a sad thing indeed. They are in a state of restriction and there is no way that love is properly flowing in other areas of their life if this is where they are.
As far as the forgetting, that can be tricky. I myself, hung in there far too long trying to rectify situations that I didn’t even create in the first place. This was one area where my own loving and compassionate nature didn’t do me any favors. It took me awhile to accept things as they are so I could move on without resentment.
When you think about it, the withholding of love is a form of “poverty consciousness.” Just as there is enough abundance for everyone to go around there is enough love too, despite what some people may think. Our own source is infinite as well as the Source Energy it is connected to. The more our capacity for love expands within us, the more the capacity in the Collective does as well. That is a beautiful thing and a tangible way to be a much needed “love ambassador” in these times.
So what is the gift from the people who cannot love us? They help us to turn our focus back within and love ourselves at an even greater level. We can offer ourselves the compassion and forgiveness that they are unable to give. We do not loathe or judge them for it, as we’ve all been many things to each other on this soulful journey called Life. In truth they ARE love, just as we are. They have simply forgotten. Life in its beauty and generosity will give them opportunities to remember just as it has provided that for us, through Grace and our own efforts. ~
Irma Kaye Sawyer is an author, teacher, intuitive counselor & cosmic weather girl. For more information, check out Irma’s website at: www.irmaksawyer.com